This blog discusses the podcast “What You Don't Know” by Lulu Wang and my argument about her story involving a time when she told the biggest lie of her life to her grandmother. In addition, I have provided below a personal narrative about a situation in my life where I almost told someone a difficult truth but decided to lie instead.
In the story, Wang’s grandmother, who is called Nainai, is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and is only given three months to live. However, Nainai’s sister, called Little Nainai, tells everyone in the family that Wang’s grandmother can never find out that she only has a short time left to live. Her reasoning was that Nainai will be too upset and her condition will become worse. Wang thinks this idea is completely absurd and that she must tell her grandmother the truth. However, her parents forbid her and say that she cannot go to China to see Nainai one last time if she gives it away. Everyone suppresses their overwhelming feeling of grief and put on a happy face for Nainai. Because no one told her about her cancer, she ended up living for another three happy years and in her 2015 appointment, her condition was still the same. After listening to Lulu Wang’s story “What You Don’t Know,” I found myself baffled throughout the tale for many different reasons. When Wang said that her family decided not to tell her Nainai that she was ill, I immediately thought this was terrible, and almost immoral, plan. I thought that Nainai definitely deserved to know, without a doubt in my mind. However, by the time I got to the end, I questioned myself a little because Nainai lived for at least another three years. Since she had a positive mentality, she was able to keep a smile on her face and live much longer than anyone expected. Her family believed that if she knew, she would be devastated and it would take a toll on her health. I have been going back and forth about whether Wang and her family did the right thing or not, but I concluded that they should have told Nainai. My argument is that if I were the one diagnosed with a terminal illness, I would want someone to tell me. Like most people, I would obviously be devastated by this news no matter how old I was or how much longer I had to live. But if I only had a few months to live, I would want to do things that I had never gotten the chance to do before and say proper goodbyes to people before I got too sick. I would not want to become extremely ill out of nowhere and with no preparation that I am about to die. It’s possible that not knowing the truth could keep me alive for a little longer, but I would ultimately die suddenly like Wang’s grandfather did when Nainai did not tell him about his liver cancer. In addition, it is clear in the story that the secret was a burden for Wang’s entire family to carry. Even though they felt they were doing the right thing, there was still guilt on their conscious for deceiving Nainai. It was also difficult to hide their emotions from her because they knew this could be the last time that they saw her. They made a huge, complicated plan and if one thing went wrong, the secret would be out. I think Wang’s family went to a lot of trouble to withhold a truth that should have already been told to Nainai when she first went to see the doctor. It is understandable that they did not want to make Nainai upset and that it was part of Chinese culture that good mentality keeps you alive. However, I believe she deserved to know so that she could come to terms with her impending death and say goodbye to her loved ones before it was too late. Just a few months ago, I almost told someone a difficult truth but ended up lying instead to spare her feelings. This person was my roommate from Bloomsburg University and it was the night I told her I was transferring back home. Recently, I came to the revelation that I was not truly happy at Bloomsburg. One reason was that I had a lot of medical issues, particularly with my heart, and the campus was on a giant hill. Everyday walking to class was a struggle and I always had to stop halfway to sit on a bench so that I could catch my breath. The second, and main reason, for wanting to leave was that I was so lonely at Bloomsburg. I loved my roommate and we had become best friends, but every weekend she would go to her boyfriend’s house since he was only an hour away. Being a somewhat shy person, I never really made any other friends and had no one to hang out with. I would FaceTime my boyfriend or parents and cry because I missed them so much and I hated being cooped up in my room all day. It got to the point where my dad drove two and a half hours to come see me and bring me home for the day. In the middle of October, I woke up one Monday morning and realized that I did not want this to be my life for the next four years. I could not get the thought out of my head and called my parents to tell them about my revelation. Over the next week, we came up with a plan that I would come home at the end of the semester and transfer to Delaware County Community College. They said I could transfer the following fall to West Chester University. I became very excited that I was coming back home, but I doubted myself if this was the right thing to do. My hesitation was that I’d be leaving a really great roommate behind. I knew she would be devastated when I told her, especially because of the reason why I was leaving. Just like me, she did not have a lot of friends either and I did not want to leave her with no one to be her roommate. However, I knew I could not let her keep me back from going home and being happy. When I finally decided to tell her, everything came out wrong and did not go how I planned it. One night after we had turned out the lights for bed, I started crying because of how lonely I felt and she asked what was wrong. First, I told her how lonely I actually was on weekends and how homesick I was. I explained that it was not her fault that she left every weekend because I would do the same thing if my boyfriend were that close to the school. Then, I stupidly blurted out that I decided to transfer at the end of the semester. She immediately began apologizing repeatedly and said she would not leave every weekend if it meant I would stay. My roommate thought it was all her fault, and of course it was not, but being so lonely was the main reason I was leaving. I instantly felt guilty and came up with a lie to try to calm her down. Quickly, I blamed my transfer completely on my heart condition and told her that the doctors think it is best if I am on a less hilly campus. The doctors never said this, but I was willing to say anything so she would stop blaming herself. I don’t know if she fully believed me, but it was enough to calm her down. Throughout the rest of the semester, I kept up the lie by emphasizing how hard it was to walk up the hill to make it seem like this was my main reason for leaving. It was somewhat true because it was difficult to walk to class, but I’m not one to openly complain about discomfort. She accepted my decision to leave and was very supportive, saying that my health is more important than school. I hate lying and don’t do it often, but I felt that in this case, I needed to stretch the truth in order to not hurt her feelings or put blame on her. To this day, we still talk almost every day and I’m so glad that we do because if I had given her the difficult truth, she might not have spoken to me ever again.
2 Comments
Candace Stotlzfus
2/9/2018 01:38:59 pm
I thought you did a really thorough job with this question and I enjoyed reading your reasoning behind your answer. And I can relate to avoiding truth because of not wanting to hurt people's feelings!
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Sabatino
2/14/2018 12:11:48 pm
I echo Candace’s comments about the thoroughness of this post. I appreciate how much thought you put into your answer about whether or not the family made the right decision to buy to the grandmother. I also appreciated the depth and honesty of your narrative. I enjoyed the storytelling here. I also think you selected a relevant and important topic – one that you could explore even further in your memoir.
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Molly ZahnerI will use this blog to post my informal writing assignments for my English Composition I class. Archives
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